taupe

today is my flight to jakarta, and i feel an air of uncertainty embracing me, which is weird because i am going back home and uncertainty should be the last thing on my mind, if not left behind. but this happens everytime too, perhaps because i always hold expectations, unconsciously, of the place i grew up in, of the friends i came close with. rayhan and avissa will be fetching me at the airport, they are the best.

yesterday we bade farewell, i said, it is only ten days, it should be okay like always. and he said, tell me if you are going to do something stupid, i will not mind. and then i patted him on his cheeks and we parted, but before that he handed me, almost solemnly, almost demurely, a clumsy orb of cotton, showing american flag print inside out. and i yelled at myself, partly angrily, how could i not know, he was asking about the socks i had been thinking of getting these past few weeks. and i quickly snapped it with an infallible whip of frenzy, and he was taken aback, and he said, it cost nothing… but we both know that it does not matter. i was happy for the fact that, i did not realise it because we often talked about this kind of thing without having any suspicion that the other party was going to make it a gift. another common point of interest i was glad for sharing.

two months is an important milestone, by the end of the second month it is usually time to reevaluate what you are having and whether you want to carry on. and yesterday i did not even question myself about this, because two months did not feel like two months, because what should be settled by the end of the month had been long resolved before that point of time.