now they're all dead hearts to you

i am beginning to accept the truth. there is plenty of space in this room, but not enough molecules to occupy it, not enough to make this work. the air is humid and the thoughts are scattered. they no longer have the power to float.

the silence employs the space inside of me, but i am trying to regain this authority. in this room, only me and the faint sound of water dripping.

"if something does not matter to you two years from now, let go."

which is supposed to make the whole thing easier. and it did. but this time it is difficult.

1) how do you know what you are now dealing with will not matter in future?
2) how do you weigh the subjective value of one person?
3) why do people consider love that is not reciprocal a waste of time?

perhaps it is because of this inborn drive, perhaps it is because of this desire that is trying to claim an authority over that person too. perhaps it makes us feel better. perhaps it is because we have troubles defining what is important we pretend that we are capable of doing it. "we are what pretend to be," but because some people are not good at pretending, they are not good at being themselves too. this is not a matter of whether someone has accepted your presence or not. this is a matter of whether you are ready to accept when someone rejects your existence.

in the end, i will say that i do not know. if i do not know then i do not have the right to keep on going.

as i recite this on top of my lungs, the spotless ceramic tiles reconfirm it, and i begin to believe it myself. there is nothing wrong in heading in the direction that you believe is true, there is nothing wrong to release the burden of evaluating, assessing and analysing for a while and just take what you have with you. if that person refuses to be brought along, the decision has been made. do not try to drag a dead body. this is as easy as it gets.

sometimes, just because you like what someone has created. does not mean that you should like that person too.