something organized #3

symbol, mark, and milestone; i don't believe in something tangible to represent what is not or vice versa, but especially the first--just to make it seem more real (i don't think it in any way does), or just so people can probe it during wee hours when people can't sleep because the shapeless and the formless seems not able to any longer contain meanings

but yesterday was full of symbols, a finish line and another start intertwining into one and was represented by the tangibles, which not only did i not mind, it sent me chills. it is always titillating to see you emerging, and eighteen hours ago i needed not shuffle through the lights because like always you appeared at wherever i expected you to

yesterday first alphabets were all that mattered--order was crucial, how your parents decided to arrange your name what was to be your first was all that was and what came next become gradually unimportant, and i sat clutching three plastic hands/clappers watching you being watched by the world, waiting for your first name being announced among the lees and lims and tans, dripping with cum laudes, by your schoolmate which you might or might not have been in a project group together and hence might or might not be a true acquaintance of yours; watching an almost simultaneous exhibition of your face uncertain of what emotions appropriate for you that day on two giant screens and one tv screen. when other people downed their camera hands and claps began to simmer down and i raised mine and clapped the hardest, looking at you through the littlest screen in the room where there were bigger ones for the more uninterested ones to see, but i see what other people don't of you everyday so it's kind of fair, i ended up getting more in the end.

i began to see superlatives wither, good is not relevant, better is often redundant, there is only best and although often redundant it always gets better

if you get what i mean

you are the best and we can always be better

"we will be better than i was"

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