right now i am faced with two options both of which deal with 'computer screen', the first is this previously empty box on my blog home page, the second is a picture of buyers' name cards, part of work, sent over an e-mail which i could relate to in terms of its quality of being economical with punctuation marks

so unlike fiction in which the characters often have their minds and decisions developed and changed respectively--also interchangeably, throughout the plots, which come off as an intended surprise to the readers of course; right now it is pretty obvious which option i have chosen and that is why this is not fiction because there is no surprise. even more predictable as without reading this post you might've be able to guess which option a person like me would be more inclined toward should he or she face a similar situation. i think a lot of people in my age group do a lot of things like me, that is 'only when they feel like it', which may come across as disadvantageous as it decelerates one's average productivity, but i think it has become a good thing too because it is a more honest reflection of one's preferences and opinions, of what matters to him or her most. and in result more honest works are being produced.


this post is another attempt to 'organize things', not very neatly, 'neat' as in 'just average neat' (i am not peeved by the tiniest clutter but having things organized is a good thing.)


right now i am listening to the black keys' el camino album, which i paused at the beginning of this post because it sounded 'too funky' and i was afraid it would alter things that i had to say or the way things should be said

i was doing a five-minute 'intense' exercise to my playlist called 'FATBURNER', currently containing three tracks which are:

sebastiAn - organia
van she - idea of happiness (sebastiAn remix)
shinichi osawa - maximum joy

they all worked quite effectively, i decided to extend my exercise for 30 seconds although my five minute and thirty second exercise ended before itunes had a chance to play 'maximum joy'

before that i was in the middle of reading lydia davis' varieties of disturbance, wanted to finish in one go and recorded any 'disturbance' to my reading, but then realized it was too effortful. in any case i still have this saved as my 'ubersocial for blackberry' draft:

12:55 - lunch
13:10 - reading an article on recent sukhoi accident printed out by father
(occasional messaging/tweeting, toilet breaks during and after; and any 'disturbances' that occurred after these two were not recorded)

there were several good stories and others that i could not understand yet, like one on 'good taste', such an interesting topic but the story had an overall disappointing feel; maybe there was something beyond the outermost layer so marsha and i decided to figure more about it soon

(anyway this is marsha, she is 16 years old this year. she keeps a book entitled 'I'M NOT ILLITERATE' with a tagline 'hooray'--its first stroke of H the shape of a thunder-- multiple times, written vertically and decreases in size as it descends the height. the book contains things like things in these pages; except that they are offline.)

lydia davis writes a lot here on senses, on a long walk/other interactions that take place between two persons whose relationship is usually revealed only in the middle of the stories, on various contemplations or even on contemplations alternating with their contrasts which are absentmindedness that take place within oneself (i feel like she is very good at compiling trails of thoughts even the faintest ones), on careful analysis of statistics, etc

i am going to quote one that is among my favorites

Getting to Know Your Body

If your eyeballs move, this means that you're thinking, or about to start thinking.
If you don't want to be thinking at this particular moment, try to keep your eyeballs still.

i was wondering is this a scientific fact because it is interesting, and of course i did try to keep my eyeballs still; and i thought did not think as much as before, so i believed this to be a fact. but then i realized it must be the power of her words too, her phrasing, her placement of words, her ability to convince with no whispering and no shouting


this song gives out
good feelings


i was also trying to articulate the changes in me that felt like a disturbance recently to a close person, these changes were slow but it did not lessen the fact that they were perceptible

~so here begins my confession~

i feel like i have developed weaker tolerance for alcohol and for horror movies throughout the years
even i cringed at some scenes during dark shadows, those sharp eyes framed with smudged eyeliners
i used to be a big fan of horror movies and i enjoyed every moment when everyone else shrieked at a
disturbing sight and forced to keep their eyes closed, their ears deaf while mine were locked at the big television/silver screen
i even used to watch a horror tv series every night, one episode at a time
i don't know what happened, and in relation to this i became interested in hypnosis, despite the risks

it's like inking your mind with something once forgotten


i think every girl looks good in her boyfriend's sweater

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