this is axiom

you know, you are not going to read this. but anyway.

let's rewind the time a little bit. i had, for several times, caught more than a few split-second glimpses of your figure, without taking serious note of your existence. not that i refused to do so, trust me, i (or must i say most of us) was mostly made unaware of the surrounding sown by this invisible thread leading back to my hand that yells, "you have the right to choose". most of the time i gave the decision as to who i befriended--though i have not a shred of regret upon encountering these other people who have come a long way to become my solid companions--mostly to the roll of fate: whoever happened to sit next to me in a biology class, whoever happened to be involved in the same project group for the seniors' mass reunion, whoever happened to live not an abundant distance from my home. we both happened to be not in any of these, and it gave me no chance to develop any sort of indispensable proximity with you. in other word, what a terrible luck those times bore. i often wish, even now, that i had more time to know you, and what you really feel inside, without having to knife you out, without any extended force. i would say, "talk only if you feel like it," and i would really mean it, even if the world rejected you.

(this tingle of longing and curiosity, which might be prescribed as a mark of youth blossoming to the ripest, have sometimes felt awkwardly empty, or even a trifle depressing. it might just be just one thing among the bunch of unaccomplished 'what if's in my book. anyway, it's a pressing feeling of losing something that i never had.)

to me, you are everything that lacks in everybody in my surrounding, even when this escapes their notice. i dare say, nobody, i say nobody has ever come closest to just the right amount of sentimentality before you. i guess it has to do with how much of a woman you are. there's nothing too graceful or too gentle or too delicate about your presence, nothing too modern too. when i say woman, it's just my definition: a role not a gender; a symbol of precision, a cunning multitasker who doubles up as a sincere mom, but not only to her children. that is what i see upon the word 'woman'. now, you are just blessed with the familiar, bursting youth vigour and the intimate, debonair understanding all in one package, and i would be very, very sad if they have to end up being tossed among other devalued treasures on the sidewalk.

if this is the bottom of the dwelling sea of your life, be gentle to yourself, for no one is going to discover this but you and i. you are not the only one who has been trying to get yourself together through all the ripples and storms all this time. i mean, i know i never really know you. i won't pretend. but you should know that there are people, like me, who wish that they had known someone that might seem like, to other people, just a mere decoration spicing up these people's lives, while they actually mean beyond half as good as other people who have been closely acquainted with them in the first place.

please, take care. that's all you need to hear from me.