bubble bath

books i've finished reading this week:

1) the bell jar by sylvia plath (took 3 days)
2) how i became stupid by martin page (1 day)
3) letters, stories and dreams by cassandra niki (6 hours)

i really want to write more elaborate posts on them, but mom hasn't been too excited about me sitting stiff in front of my laptop screen

my laptop broke down two days ago while i was writing some thoughts/review on norwegian wood and the bell jar. it was a rather abrupt halt and i had to restart it several times before giving it up. the next morning it worked just fine, only much slower. seemed like it was the final straw, i have anyway thought of buying a new laptop since last year

there had been a brief break (+/- 2 days) of reading last week because mom told me i've read 'too much', the world is out there, not in the books/papers i've been reading

it was weird. i didn't read too much and i've acquired that particular knowledge she gave me (drawing a line between reality and fantasy) before i got to learn abacus. but i think she had a point. my friend suggested that i've turned into a hermit, which might be true because i don't feel like going out or anything. i admit i've been picky about conversation topics recently but sometimes you have to say a word or two even with someone you know you can't relate very much to, because the situation forces you to do so. thus i often end up (participate actively) in pointless conversations i very much regret later on. i hate that feeling, like 'i shouldn't have talked about that', 'that's not something i wanted to talk about'

i used to be much less careful and more enthusiastic about so many things. there are a couple things i do miss: taking pictures and talking so eagerly to people

you know the context of talking here is different, i mean that kind of talking where you have to persuade people/draw them into you eg job interview. i used to ace that a lot, without much faking.

the ability has now somehow ebbed away, but i hope not for long

i'm even taking a course in communication. sometimes i feel like, life's a cruel cruel joke.

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